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AmyinWI
11-23-2012, 11:39 PM
yesterday was one of the worst holidays we've experienced with my little guy with special needs. he has such a hard time in other environments,and he was really "off" yesterday. I think it was a combination of too many people, bright lights, an echo-ey house (not much for acoustics) and several little dogs barking and jumping on him. He cried alot (he rarely cries!!!) was banging on his ears, wouldn't eat anything,and cried all the way home,even after we left the crazy environment. And then he was awake all night,too!!
I went home and just cried after the whole ordeal. :sad:

We are seriously considering having Christmas at our house with just our family. It's too hard for my son to take him out to crowded ,noisy situations.
We have so few family that live in the area, I feel bad not including the ones that are nearby.... but I dont' know what else to do. They dont' really understand his needs,and I just get tired of explaining why he acts the way he does. But I do feel bad that my other kids might miss out... either that, or one of us stays home with him, and the other takes the rest of the kids to the family get together.

Can anyone relate? How have you handled holiday/family get togethers for your special kids??

Clara S
11-24-2012, 08:04 AM
Amy, don't feel bad should you decide to have celebrations at your home. Some will understand, some will not, and you just have to do the best for your child and family.

Our child pukes a lot, so we take turns with him outside on the play equipment at our relatives. (They have white carpet) Is there a way to have a room at the relative's where you could with a quiet movie, lights off... Maybe you and hubby could take turns with him there from the start so he doesn't get wound up to begin with?

I send:group: because it is tough when you want to visit too.
Clara

Hollie in SC
11-24-2012, 09:25 AM
:group: I'm sorry, Amy, that must have been so hard.


Could you invite folks over and keep everyone downstairs? Be ready to have someone one on one with G upstairs if he starts to get out of sorts. Or maybe invite them over in small groups--just a few at a time.

If you go somewhere, could you request the use of a room that is out of the way for a place to escape?

I don't know--things like this are so specific--but more than anything do what is best for your family during this season of life. Much love!:group:

TonyaP
11-24-2012, 09:30 AM
That environment would have me covering my ears and wanting to cry too! We limit our holiday travels and the kids come as a set, so it's all for one and one for all as far as missing out or not. My mom does a good job of making things safe for us all- but then it's just our immediate family. I really can't handle the huge gatherings, and the food and animal allergies just push us right over the edge into "No thanks, we'll stay home."

AmyinWI
11-24-2012, 02:58 PM
After having some time to think about it. Dh and I decided we will just stay home with our family,and maybe the day AFTER Christmas, invite just the grandparents over.
They did ask if we wanted to have Christmas here instead of their house, but I still think that would be too much . I don't know how this news is going to be taken by them, hopefully it won't cause any further relationship problems.

Thanks for understanding! :kiss:

CINDY LB OH
11-24-2012, 05:32 PM
Amy, don't feel bad about doing what is right for your family. :group:

Mary FL
11-25-2012, 12:23 PM
Thinking of you today. :group:

Shannon P
11-26-2012, 12:50 AM
Perhaps the grandparents would consider having Christmas with you before December 25th. We always have Christmas early with my in-laws. This way, we save Christmas for just us. The early celebration is still special; the kids have some of their presents before anyone else.

It's hard to go wrong while doing what's right for your family.

JennyO
11-28-2012, 07:28 PM
I will tell you what we did this year! But when I get more time here :-)

JennyO
11-28-2012, 10:40 PM
Amy...I am sorry Thanksgiving was so rough ((hugs.)). I really appreciate you sharing though. We were going to go to my SIL house, but she had two children come down with runny noses. And quite honestly, we had just gotten over colds and a mild stomach virus. So, we didn't go. It was hard for my dh. It is his side of the family. My kids were disappointed not to see cousins. But, I am finding the more we take control of our holidays and make our own traditions the most important, the easier it is for my kids to handle the disappointment. In fact, my kids hardly missed a beat this year! When they found out we were not going, there was very little complaining and then our ten year old son piped up and said, "We'll...we will just have our own Thanksgiving!" And we did, but waited a couple of days. Thanksgiving day was rough between me and my husband. Only because I had no feast planned for the day and nothing seemed to work out. Argh! I hated that part :( But, I did get to kick back and watch a movie with my kids. That was wonderful! I have been so busy with the new baby lately.

The hardest part for me is that it is that when we celebrate with extended family and it does not work out, I am left with a sad family :(. No fair! I do get so sick of being left out. Not because people do this purposefully, but it stinks to base our entire holiday plans every year on extended family. I finally looked at my dh this year and told him I hated it and that our own family needs to do what works for us. He agrees! It doesn't mean we do not want to see extended family. We do! But, OUR celebrations are going to be the central focus.

So, even before Thanksgiving day hits this year and we still thought we were going to my SIL house, I was making back-up plans. I was making these plans the week before! But we didn't find out until 9pm, the night before Thanksgiving that we would not be going. My FIL and MIL did stop by...that was nice :). But, We waited until Sunday for our feast. It was so nice!! The kids were excited too. I made special homemade rolls, we bought a huge ham (not turkey eaters here), had mashed potatoes, stuffing and I made pies! And also over the weekend, we worked on a three-phase, homemade, from scratch, gingerbread house! It was work, but the kids loved it! Just last weekend alone, exhausted me and my husband. We are still digging out!:lol: My kids are still thanking The Lord for our wonderful Thanksgiving in their prayers.:D

I am not for sure how Christmas will pan out with extended family. But, we typically reserve Christmas Day for our own family anyway. This holiday always seems more flexible to me.

TonyaP
11-28-2012, 10:57 PM
We are having Thanksgiving at my mom's house tomorrow. Everyone was sick last week. Apparently that's our holiday tradition- fevers and coughing. :eyes:

AmyinWI
11-29-2012, 01:08 AM
Amy...I am sorry Thanksgiving was so rough ((hugs.)). I really appreciate you sharing though. We were going to go to my SIL house, but she had two children come down with runny noses. And quite honestly, we had just gotten over colds and a mild stomach virus. So, we didn't go. It was hard for my dh. It is his side of the family. My kids were disappointed not to see cousins. But, I am finding the more we take control of our holidays and make our own traditions the most important, the easier it is for my kids to handle the disappointment. In fact, my kids hardly missed a beat this year! When they found out we were not going, there was very little complaining and then our ten year old son piped up and said, "We'll...we will just have our own Thanksgiving!" And we did, but waited a couple of days. Thanksgiving day was rough between me and my husband. Only because I had no feast planned for the day and nothing seemed to work out. Argh! I hated that part :( But, I did get to kick back and watch a movie with my kids. That was wonderful! I have been so busy with the new baby lately.

The hardest part for me is that it is that when we celebrate with extended family and it does not work out, I am left with a sad family :(. No fair! I do get so sick of being left out. Not because people do this purposefully, but it stinks to base our entire holiday plans every year on extended family. I finally looked at my dh this year and told him I hated it and that our own family needs to do what works for us. He agrees! It doesn't mean we do not want to see extended family. We do! But, OUR celebrations are going to be the central focus.

So, even before Thanksgiving day hits this year and we still thought we were going to my SIL house, I was making back-up plans. I was making these plans the week before! But we didn't find out until 9pm, the night before Thanksgiving that we would not be going. My FIL and MIL did stop by...that was nice :). But, We waited until Sunday for our feast. It was so nice!! The kids were excited too. I made special homemade rolls, we bought a huge ham (not turkey eaters here), had mashed potatoes, stuffing and I made pies! And also over the weekend, we worked on a three-phase, homemade, from scratch, gingerbread house! It was work, but the kids loved it! Just last weekend alone, exhausted me and my husband. We are still digging out!:lol: My kids are still thanking The Lord for our wonderful Thanksgiving in their prayers.:D

I am not for sure how Christmas will pan out with extended family. But, we typically reserve Christmas Day for our own family anyway. This holiday always seems more flexible to me.

Thanks for sharing. :kiss: My dh is not really concerned with Thanksgiving at all. He would be fine if we didn't go to my family's house at all... growing up his dad and all the brothers were up north deer hunting anyway.. my dh NEVER celebrated Thanksgiving until we got married! (weird, huh? :) )

Plans are still up in the air for Christmas Day.
We normally go to my Grandparents house Christmas eve, but that is an EXTREMELY crowded area with all the family (7 kids and 25+ grandkids and spouses and 15 greatgrandkids) I think we'll just have to visit them on a different day , it's too hard to manage my crew in that environment anymore.

Sheryl in NH
11-29-2012, 07:46 AM
Amy, don't feel bad about doing what is right for your family. :group:

I agree. Do what you need to do, and enjoy your holiday!

JennyO
11-29-2012, 09:16 AM
Thanks for sharing. :kiss: My dh is not really concerned with Thanksgiving at all. He would be fine if we didn't go to my family's house at all... growing up his dad and all the brothers were up north deer hunting anyway.. my dh NEVER celebrated Thanksgiving until we got married! (weird, huh? :) )

Plans are still up in the air for Christmas Day.
We normally go to my Grandparents house Christmas eve, but that is an EXTREMELY crowded area with all the family (7 kids and 25+ grandkids and spouses and 15 greatgrandkids) I think we'll just have to visit them on a different day , it's too hard to manage my crew in that environment anymore.

Amy...that sounds crazy! That is a ton of people! I do not blame your son for crying ;) we went to a birthday party not too long ago that I thought would be doable for my kids. Most of my kids loved it! But, there were over 40 kids, plus parents, in a small-ish house. I had no idea there would be so many kids. And we are a 'package deal' family like TonyP :-) But, it was not my oldest, SN daughter's cup-of-tea. Nope. She only yelled a bit, but we were sort of stuck in one area with another mom holding her screaming, fit-throwing four year old daughter. I say this without any sort of malice, as I understand that some kids with special needs look perfectly typical. But the very little time this little girl was not absolutely melting down, her mommy was letting her run around everywhere. This was the little girl my special needs child had to hang with...what a pair! Lol ;-)

Anyway...it was hard. I was just amazed that those parents if four had the sanity to throw SUCH a party. I know this is way off of your original thread. Sorry! Just had me thinking about crowds.

Kellie in NE
11-29-2012, 02:53 PM
Holidays have been really hard on us the last few years. The expectations of others does not match our reality. We have tried to do many different things. This year my family is coming to us to do Christmas. The drive and spending the night is just too much for my daughter. As far as the hubby side-I spend most of the day locked up in a room with an over stimulated child. Not a fun time for her or for me. This year we decided to come later in the afternoon (after the meal). We plan to spend about an hour there and then leave. An hour is about all she can handle (especially if it is too cold to go outside). I know all about the mommy guilt. I also know about the pressure and the comments that I get from the family. They do not like it but it is our normal. :group: I pray that you can find the right balance for your and your family.

Jen in Canada
12-05-2012, 02:55 PM
We have a similar problem. Our middle daughter has a variety of issues and sensory issues is a huge challenge. My family is huge and our get-togethers are noisy, crowded, and hot. It makes for a really difficult day for our daughter but we have four other children that LOVE to see all the cousins, grandparents etc. and it feels wrong not to allow them to experience the "normal" traditions. So, we brace ourselves for the challenges and here is what we do:

1) The day before the event is low key, stay at home, early bedtime, limited stimulation.

2) Day of the event, low key until the event. Lots of time in her room to relax

3) At the event. We find a quiet spot and show her where to go when she is feeling overwhelmed (this is still in progress as she can't really identify that feeling yet)

4) Upon returning home, right to bed -- no matter what time it is. Sleep is the only thing that works to re-set her brain.

And I always plan to spend a day away on my own after the event (or a few days after the event) so that I can recoup as well!!