PDA

View Full Version : Early teen boys?



Carol S
07-14-2015, 01:43 PM
Samuel has been in a bad mood for about 3 months. I need some way to evaluate the extent to which this is normal. It's much different than the girls at that age, of course. The girls would burst into tears and have volatile mood swings, but I'm a girl, and I kind of expected that. (A bit of a shock for their dad, though.)

The first teen boy through our house wasn't normal, though, and I can't really gauge very much by our experiences with him. So please talk to me about your preteen/early teen boys.

For reference as to physical development, his voice is thoroughly changing (meaning it's not done yet, but it's more deep voice that kid voice with some cracking remaining) and he has leg hair and a tiny bit of lip fuzz, but clear skin. I think BO hit last summer.

I need to figure out whether the anger is in the realm of normal or whether I should start pushing some counseling. He's not violent, but he frequently uses violent language, which we are trying to deal with just by instruction for now (as opposed to coming down hard with consequences).

MichelleTN
07-14-2015, 02:50 PM
I noticed a change in ds1 when he was around 13. Seemed to get mad about simple things that never bothered him before. Some of it I gave him a pass on. Figured his body and mind were changing and he couldn't really figure out his "feelings". Other times I got upset too :blush: and told him in no uncertain terms that I would NOT be treated like that. I made sure to started with "I love you" and ended with it too.

Also at that age I noticed if he didn't eat more often he got grumpier/hateful. I remember one time I didn't fix breakfast and ds was doing something and forgot to eat. We (as a family) had left the house going somewhere. Ds1 got grumpy/hateful and dh was getting really upset with him. It dawned on me that ds hadn't eaten. I told dh to pull at the drive thru. Got ds1 a burger. It was like night and day. A few minutes after eating ds1 was back to his normal happy self.

:group: to you and know that it will pass

Carol S
07-14-2015, 06:31 PM
The low-blood-sugar-cranky-b*tt disorder is most definitely part of it. But he does seem like he has a burr under the saddle most of the time.

Anyway, please also remind me of favorite techniques of dealing with the argues about ev-er-y-thing syndrome.

Kendra AU
07-14-2015, 06:32 PM
:group: I have two, & they are such opposite peoples both in development & so forth.
I will say around 11 or 12 for one & 13 for the other we noticed that they can get quite cross/angry & snap/snarl easily.
There have been instances with one using the whole, "I'll kick you in the face if you do it again.." type nonsense.

To which I simply say, "Will you really?" He's then expressed that he's just frustrated & didn't really mean it. I've found that, just like for girls, Vitamin B12 is a fantastic help with emotions that are swaying all over the place. If my children are out of sorts, acting more angry then normal, or have had a "junk food day" I simply say, "Fellows, I think we all need to take vitamins to help our bodies rebalance a bit." We use the sublingual B12 that does not have the horrible taste or "horse pill" size to it. Small, sensible tablets that slip under your tongue & taste like raspberries until they are gone. Depending on the situation I often have my children take 2.

I will say that a day of poor eating can also really throw a spanner in the works. We're not big junk food eaters, but it happens & we simply make an effort for extra physical exertion, fruits & veggies the next day, & some B Complex if needed.

Rebe
07-14-2015, 07:00 PM
Have you read Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy yet? Get it! Many on these boards swear by it. The first few chapters will scare you to death but after that it's just extremely helpful and practical for so-called typical teen issues. I didn't need this book until this child. It gives practical help for constant arguing, "always-right" type stuff that 13yo boys are exceptionally good at.

I'm really happy to be past the crying stage. Yes, my tough, action-oriented, fearless boy did a lot of that around age 12. Thank goodness that's over. Now we're into the "I know everything" stage, closely related to the "I can't believe my parents have lived this long being this dumb" stage. :eyes: Honestly, after two teens who totally skipped this, I kind of thought we wouldn't have to deal with it. Not so. :no:

I'm not sure what you mean by violent language, but really, read that book. It discusses things like that in detail. Sometimes negative consequences are the last thing you want to do, depending on the situation.

My 13yo's issues aren't really anger problems (he leaves that to his 8yo brother, for whom I'm now reading The Explosive Child -- another great book that you might want to look into). My 13yo has this bizarre thing where he is mature and responsible for part of the day, but especially in the a.m. and p.m., he is so ridiculously goofy that he's extremely hard to be around. I know it sounds kind of innocent and fun, but trust me, it's a pain. He's hopelessly out of control with his goofiness -- he does have a wicked sense of humor and always has, and I think this transitional stage of puberty is just turning it on its head and exaggerating it to the point of ridiculousness.

He also has developed a smart-aleck mouth. Oh joy. Another thing we somehow skipped until now.

Cindy in CA
07-15-2015, 12:28 AM
I was going to suggest the above book. Quick advice, don't argue back. Let him have the last word. If the ridiculous thing he said is the last thing he hears that is good. Don't engage him.

The book explains what is normal and what is not. My son was very down at 12. 13 and 14 have been good. 12 was really hard. Make sure he eats well, exercises a lot and sleeps a lot. 12 hours was common for both of mine. They need an outlet, sports, running, anything that is good cardio is necessary to balance hormones and a good teen multi can't hurt.

I read a couple other books that were very helpful. Will look for titles tomorrow, if I don't forget.

Esther-Alabama
07-15-2015, 07:59 PM
I was going to suggest the above book. Quick advice, don't argue back. Let him have the last word. If the ridiculous thing he said is the last thing he hears that is good. Don't engage him.
.

Yes, yes to this! I'm on my third preteen crying boy. Y'all ...seriously. Number three son cried last night because number two son laughed at the wrong moment.... And because he was hungry and tired and he'd been to the orthodontist and his teeth hurt.

I don't even talk to mine anymore when they are emotional... And this means crying or woe is me talk or just plain angry. I send the offending male human to spend some time alone. Then a few minutes later, I bring a carb and protein snack like cheese and crackers or peanut butter apples or whatever. I tell him to bring me the plate as soon as he is finished so we can talk. And I leave. 99% of the time, the boy is apologetic, much less emotional and ready to repent.

I make sure every boy has a physical outlet AND I have decided they need to be needed about this age. I find a project for the boy that uses his talents. My former Lego maniac is designing and building a PVC cat tower. I helped by providing supplies, showed him pictures and then left him to do it. The older boy has dug a lot of holes since being here moving mailboxes and bird feeders for his grandparents...he runs errands for me all the time and he handles our yard alone now. The youngest one is currently helping his sister build a container for her fairy garden.

I give some direction, but as long as the job is done with some effort and seen through till the end, I am pleased. It rarely turns out exactly as I would have done, but I don't care. That is not the point. The point is for them to feel proud of themselves and to do it independently.

Their father is gone a lot and I routinely need manly things done. My oldest has installed a dishwasher for me. My second has fixed the dryer vent, changes out the AC filters, fixes all my computer issues. The third helps me put gas in the car, checks my tires and oil before every trip.

It seems to help them to be needed. And frankly, I do need them.