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Marsha in Fl
04-13-2011, 11:56 AM
My younger daughter (DD 6) is always getting the hand-me-downs from her older sister (DD 8). And I'm feeling guilty about it.:unsure:

She does get new things, for example, I just bought them both new bathing suits although the 2 passed down were fine. She gets a lot of her sister's shoes since she usually outgrows them before they are worn out.

We have a friend that we get hand-me-downs from for DD6, and DD8 doesn't get anything then. As they get older though this isn't happening as often.

I try to explain it isn't a "want" it's a need. They might not always get what they want, but they will always get what they need. KWIM?

I didn't wear hand-me-downs because my sisters were so much older than I was. Am I crazy to feel guilty about this? My younger daughter NEVER, NEVER complains or even says anything about it.

What do you all do?

CJ
04-13-2011, 12:06 PM
My younger two dd's and younger son never complain either and 80% of their clothes are second-hand or hand me downs. I'm stunned and grateful!

I do make sure they get a couple new things (clearance rack, underwear, swimsuit, etc.) to balance it out. It just hasn't been a big deal I appreciate it so much.
:clap:

The only thing - my oldest (17yod) had about 1/3 to 1/2 second hand clothes from other families when she was growing up and when she got to be about 13/14 she told me she hated second hand stuff. She now finds ways to afford clearance racks, sales, cheap stores to get what she needs. She still never buys a top for $5 or a pair of pants for more than $12-17. She's a clever shopper.

KarenF
04-13-2011, 12:09 PM
I got hand me downs from my BROTHER so I would have been thrilled to have hand me downs from my sister! :)

TinaM
04-13-2011, 12:15 PM
My middle daughter will complain when it's about dresses or bathing suits. In our situation, my mom usually buys them clothes. Since the middle one gets hand me downs, she normally ends up with 2x as much clothing as my oldest. When I'm the one buying, I will normally buy the oldest brand new clothing only b/c for one, i know my mom will buy them both clothes(no matter if i ask her not to), and two, b/c the oldest is the one who really needs them.

I dont feel guilty but i guess its because everyone gets new clothing from my parents and MIL anyway. I do feel overwhelmed many times throughout the year though. Sometimes i feel like we're swimming in clothes here.

Judyn
04-13-2011, 12:36 PM
I absolutely don't see a problem with it. Its one of those lessons in life. I would continue the hand-me-downs. I can't blame her for feeling sad, or you for feeling guilty...but that doesn't mean she should get all new clothes. You are teaching her to be frugal and grateful, something most of us need lessons in;)

I do know that IF...and I do mean if, I had the means, I would buy her her own Easter or Christmas dress, or maybe an outfit for her birthday (whichever you think she would like most.) An occasional splurge, when capable, is a delightful thing.

MichelleTN
04-13-2011, 12:43 PM
I don't think you are crazy to feel guilty. I totally understand. I have 2 boys 3 years apart and born in the same season. So ds2 has always gotten the hand me downs.

Like your dd, ds2 doesn't care but I sometimes feel guilty. Not like ds1 always gets "new" stuff. Alot of his comes from consignment shops. I too make a point to talk about needs.

The past couple years I have made little comments to ds2 like "lets go shopping upstairs and see what we can find" (attic/clothes storage). The other day ds was wearing a "new" shirt and dh said "hey where did you get that shirt? It's cool" Ds2 looked at him and said "I went shopping upstairs" Dh said "cool I wish I could shop upstairs but I don't think they carry my size" Ds thought that was :roflol:

He also shopped upstairs and found a brand new pair of baseball cleats (someone gave me) and 2 pair of ball pants. Then when we went to walmart a few days later I bought him a new t-shirt ($5) that he really really liked. Totally made him happy and he wasn't expecting it. (he needed a new t-shirt or 2 anyway)

I guess what I am saying is I understand your guilt but I know we are doing a good thing. I don't let ds know I have the guilt. I just try to make it a fun thing getting the new clothes. I know he may not always be happy getting hand me downs but I am trying to enjoy it for now.

ETA: Both boys get new clothes from my mom for Christmas and sometimes for birthdays.

Hollie in SC
04-13-2011, 12:53 PM
:) Our older boys are 22 months apart and lots of hand-me-downs here.

When our oldest was 10, I noticed that he was a little :sad: when new :cool:clothes came in for brother and not him. Since it was obviously bothering him, I started doing 2 things:

1--Sometimes when I need to order something new for our oldest, I allow the middle one to choose the color or style (Oldest isn't picky so it is okay. :) ) since he will eventually get it. Ex--the last rain coat we bought was chosen by the middle child who chose red instead of brother's preferred color blue.

2--When I find a "deal" on something little (ex. t-shirts at Kohl's the other day with Lego themes) I let him get one. It isn't a real need of clothing, but a real need of his heart. He really is good with money and totally understands that everything isn't going to be new for him and doesn't expect that, but his heart BEAMS when I make the effort for him. It meets an emotional need and, for this particular child who definitely has "middle child" issues, it is really important. :hcry:

BethInOK
04-13-2011, 12:57 PM
I totally feel you! Mine are 6 & 4, and then I've got a 2 yo boy. So when I buy clothes, its for my 6 & 2 year old. I buy most of my clothes from a big consignment sale, so when I come home with lots of new clothes for big & little, I pull out the boxes for my middle so she can ooh & aw over her treasures.

Other than that, I just keep explaining to them that it all balances out in the end. I know some of the things my oldest gets, are because people know it will go from her to my middle to my niece, so it gets a lot of use.

So far it hasn't been an issue for any of them, but I feel guilty (I'm a middle also). I usually get something for my middle, just because. (This year it was a pair of pink cowgirl boots that we didn't need, but oh, my does she love them!)

Laura F
04-13-2011, 01:15 PM
I have 3 girls so hand-me-downs are a fact of life. My girls don't mind, especially because my oldest dd is so hard on clothes, that I still buy new clothing to fill out their wardrobes. In fact, my oldest frequently gets her nose out of joint if someone gives us a box of hand-me-downs and there's nothing in her size!

Jodi B
04-13-2011, 01:25 PM
Hand-me-downs are a fact of life here too -- ds1 has gotten clothes from his cousin, from a friend of ours, from thrift stores and from garage sales, and ds2 gets clothes from ds1. Do they both get new clothes too? Sure, but they also have learned that I scour good clearance sales too for stuff for the future. ;)

Rachel Jane
04-13-2011, 01:27 PM
I was 5th in line for clothes and think nothing of hand-me -downs from my older to my younger son. :unsure: If it bothers him, he has never said so.

Alice R
04-13-2011, 01:48 PM
About 90% of the kid's clothing comes from the thrift store so I can buy my younger daughter and younger son something "new" more often. Noah is thrilled when I give him $10 and he comes back with the nicest stuff at the thrift store. He's happy=I'm happy.

If they complain, (which they rarely do) I tell them "don't worry, you are all wearing hand me downs" :lol:

I wouldn't feel guilty. I think you hear "those" stories when the clothing is out of date or just not something that the child likes. If they have something they like and something that is in style, then it's fine.

PS joe's brother is 17 years older than he is. His mom saved all of the clothes and made Joe wear them!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those clothes were probably 20+ years old and who knows where Joe's mom got them. THAT is a bad hand-me-down situation. We look at all Joe's pictures and die laughing at the mixed up two decade old clothes...Joe figured it out in junior high when some kids pointed out he was wearing polyester bellbottoms in like 1985! :eek: :roflol::eek::roflol:

Marsha in Fl
04-14-2011, 12:27 PM
Thank you all for your responses. :kiss::kiss:

Heather W
04-14-2011, 12:35 PM
The way I see it is that hand-me-downs and consignment stores allow me to keep my kids clothed nicely without paying big bucks.

This fact allows me to buy new things now and then that they want.

We have four and our younger boys wear a lot of clothes the older ones wear. But I also buy a lot of used clothing from a resale shop so they all wear used clothing! :lol:

So, I buy a lot used and a little new and it all works out. ;)

Heather W
04-14-2011, 12:36 PM
About 90% of the kid's clothing comes from the thrift store so I can buy my younger daughter and younger son something "new" more often. Noah is thrilled when I give him $10 and he comes back with the nicest stuff at the thrift store. He's happy=I'm happy.

If they complain, (which they rarely do) I tell them "don't worry, you are all wearing hand me downs" :lol:

I wouldn't feel guilty. I think you hear "those" stories when the clothing is out of date or just not something that the child likes. If they have something they like and something that is in style, then it's fine.

PS joe's brother is 17 years older than he is. His mom saved all of the clothes and made Joe wear them!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those clothes were probably 20+ years old and who knows where Joe's mom got them. THAT is a bad hand-me-down situation. We look at all Joe's pictures and die laughing at the mixed up two decade old clothes...Joe figured it out in junior high when some kids pointed out he was wearing polyester bellbottoms in like 1985! :eek: :roflol::eek::roflol:
Same here Alice...I bring the best stuff home from the consignment store!

But holy cow...your poor husband!!!!

Melissa Crabtree
04-14-2011, 12:43 PM
I have a boy and a girl, so while they don't pass hand me down to/from each other, they both wear clothes from older nieces and nephews for the bulk of their wardrobe. They are well loved, but new to my kids!

Could you just slip the new clothes in the drawer of the older child instead of letting it be a big deal that they're new? Or wash them all and switch out the clothes by making notice of the "new" ones for the younger one?

And I do like others... I try to buy a couple of things in dc's preferred color or style for a season so there is something they love. I will say this matters a LOT to dd and always has. I didn't think it ever mattered to Jacob because he never complained but the first time I did it it was obvious he felt very loved... and wore that shirt all the time!!

Hayley M
04-14-2011, 07:50 PM
My oldest doesn't usually get hand-me-downs, simply because we don't really know any boys older than he is. My daughter (8yo) gets stuff from my niece and my youngest (6yo boy) get things from my two closest friends. They both LOVE the hand-me-downs... but then again, they aren't from a sibling.

When I was a kid I did not like getting hand-me-downs. But I think that kids that homeschool aren't as self-conscious about this sort of thing. I understand feeling guilty. I do too sometimes. But like the others have said, it's actually kind of good for them to value being frugal--you might feel guilty, but you are doing what is best for them.

Kendra AU
04-14-2011, 09:10 PM
We use all hand-me-downs unless they don't fit or are inappropriate in attire. :D That said my eldest is ROUGH on the knees of pants so those don't get passed down much {including pj pants!} so my younger does get some new things..

And, i'm just going to say they think it's AWESOME when their TEENAGE cousins pass them down clothes that don't fit. Seriously.. they think it's AWESOME. Their cousins think it's funny but then say things like, "Oo! I remember when.." :lol:

Elizabeth in KY
04-14-2011, 10:08 PM
My Mom shops for my kids at a consigment sale twice a year. My kids have always been excited to see what she finds for them, and have just recently realized that consignment means used. :lol:

My dd wishes that all of her clothes could be hand-me-downs from her brother. That way she wouldn't have to wear stupid girlie clothes! :roflol: My dd complains more about the new clothes that I buy for her, since I do buy icky things like an occasional dress or skirt. Noone really makes the fashion that she longs for. She would love pink clothes in boy styles.

We do a mix of consignment clothes with a few new things for each kid. Does anyone buy all new clothes for their kids??

I think it's great that your dd never complains about her hand-me-downs. Definitely be pleased with that gift, and let the guilt wash down the shower drain.

Holly S
04-14-2011, 10:09 PM
Someone recently offered us hand me downs and wanted to make sure we wouldn't get offended first. I couldn't figure why someone would get offending by being offered free clothes. :roflol: My oldest was thrilled when she found out that 90% of them were in her size...and very stylish.

I've never heard my kids complain...maybe my 8yo when she couldn't get an outfit. I don't think they realize that many kids get new clothes. :blush: :roflol: I do point out that we sacrifice a bit to have more DC...they'd much rather have another sibling than new clothes. ;)

JennLove
04-14-2011, 11:55 PM
My kids' clothes have mostly been secondhand since before they were born, as I'm a big garage-saler and had baby clothes put away before we even got pregnant the first time! :)

Even my oldest dd gets many clothes handed down from her best friend who is 10 months older but about 2 sizes bigger than her - she thinks it is great! And of course dd #2 has mostly older sissy's hand-me-down plus what I pick up at garage sales and consignment stores to fill in since they're opposite seasons(though in WA it hardly matters!) Soon-to-arrive little baby boy will happily be inheriting clothes from one of my close friends with 3 boys (the youngest 2 being twins, which means double the clothes!)...however she had just gotted rid of all her clothes up through 2T right before I found out I was pregnant, so I'm already on the lookout for great consignment sales to clothe this little one in the near future. I can't imagine doing it any other way...

I also often wonder how many people buy their kids all new clothes, and how they afford it if they do...when I do decide to go buy something new (matching Easter dresses, say, or coordinating outfits for pictures) I'm always :eek: at the prices!

I can tell you from experience, should anyone need to know, that if your husband doesn't appreciate the time a garage-sale-ing habit can take up on a summer Saturday all you have to do is take him to the mall and wander through Gymboree with him for 10 minutes. Dh suddenly very much supported my outings and was happy to stay with our new baby on the occasional Saturday morning while I hit a consignment sale or neighborhood garage sale after that trip! :roflol:

BethInOK
04-15-2011, 08:10 AM
I can tell you from experience, should anyone need to know, that if your husband doesn't appreciate the time a garage-sale-ing habit can take up on a summer Saturday all you have to do is take him to the mall and wander through Gymboree with him for 10 minutes. Dh suddenly very much supported my outings and was happy to stay with our new baby on the occasional Saturday morning while I hit a consignment sale or neighborhood garage sale after that trip! :roflol:

:roflol: I volunteer at our local consignment sale in order to be able to shop early. DH grumbles, but I told him if he'd rather I buy stuff at the store, and the grumbling quickly stopped!!

Carrie Bozeman
04-15-2011, 10:05 AM
My sister adopted a little girl from China about 8 months before my daughter was born. (she also has two older girls) and her adopted daughter was 14 lbs at 18 months when she arrived in the states.

We were blessed with hand me downs from her (and another family) for the first 2.5 years, which I absolutely loved and now we have "hand me ups" that go from my 3 year old daughter to her 5 year old cousin. ;) They are actually exactly the same height and weight right now but my daughter has longer legs so all pants are being handed up. I'm sure we'll move on to everything moving up with in a year as my daughter grows faster.

I have friends (at 30) that still beg me to call them if I go through my closet and am getting rid of clothes. :lol: I buy a lot of clothes for my daughter at consignment shops, it's a great value. And I wish that we still got hand me downs.

Joy in Alabama
04-15-2011, 10:23 AM
I have 6 girls. Hand me downs are not only a way of life, they are a happy occasion here. For the past couple of weeks we've all - me included - been handing clothes around to each other. One man's trash is another man's treasure! However, we all get some new things sometimes - even if it's "new to us" from the thrift store. And my mom sews TONS of clothes for the current smaller girls and alters all kinds of things for the older girls. We purposely don't have lots and lots of clothes and the kids understand that God always provides what we need. My older girls are very good shoppers and can sew if need be and I think they will be a help to their husbands someday.

Kat in Co
04-15-2011, 11:29 AM
Youre not crazy for feeling guilty. Having said that, there is nothing to feel guilty about either. In most families if there are children close in age, there will be hand me downs. My dd is an only, but I shop yard sales, etc first, hope for the occasional hand me down from a friend, and shop for those things that are not filled by those sources after. One thing I do to make it fun for us both is to hold a fashion show when I bring home a bag of clothes. Dd goes to her room, tries on outfits comes down and shows them to me, posing for fun, and then I examine each on her. Then every item goes into one of three piles: donate (too small, too itchy not gonna work for whatever reason) wash and wear (launder then into her closets and drawers) or too big (into a box marked with the size and put on the top shelf of her closet. DD enjoys the fashion show, and she does not mind used clothes. She thinks its the norm, because for her, it is.
My sister had two boys close in age, and she only bought for the older one, just buying fill items for the younger. The younger thought this was cool. He said "I don't have to go shopping, and I still get lots of clothes!"
There are lots of things to feel guilty about. Clothing is not one of them. You're teaching the children to be a wise stewarad with finances.

Nedra
04-15-2011, 11:32 AM
I think hand me downs are fabulous! Especially for the youngers who play hard and go through clothes. We pass clothing around in our homeschooling group and my twins get tons of things from a couple of ladies whose girls are a bit older than mine. I pass mine down to another family. Last year I didn't have to buy any jeans for my girls because they were all given to us.

:clap: