View Full Version : I think something is wrong with my son?

05-23-2011, 10:34 AM
:sad: First of all, I don't know where to start. This has been a slow slide into suspicion that something is 'different' about him and I realize that I may be wrong about it.

He is 6.5 years old. He started reading when he was 4. He picks up language really easily so far and seems to just sort of intuitively spell and read, if that makes any sense. His math is pretty good as well. He has natural musical ability and can remember ANY song if he hears it just once. So far, so good, right?

He is VERY sensitive to noise/input, but VERY ....(what's the word?)...rude, I guess about other people making noise that HE doesn't like. He complains about his little sister's breathing, particularly if she falls asleep in the living room and is very lightly snoring. But,....he makes this little "hmm" noise a LOT. It is VERY annoying, annoys his older sister and me to no end, but I truly believe that he can't help it. I honestly don't think he even notices that he is doing it. He hates to wear pants and only puts them on at my insistence. (no, I don't think that this is a huge deal, but sometimes pants are just called for, kwim? ;) )

He gets VERY bent out of shape when things don't go in the way he expected. His sister picked up his Trio? OMG, meltdown. He was given the wrong plate? meltdown. I give him as many choices as I can think of: pick out which plate you want, do you want to get PJ's on first or brush teeth first, etc., but sometimes I just don't see it coming or didn't think of it. (And I will say that his meltdowns have lessened in severity and duration even in the past year, so maturity does seem to help.)

He will build stuff ALL DAY LONG if I let him. Trio, Legos, etc. He is loving,....sort of, on his timetable, which I don't necessarily think is a bad thing. (Not everyone wants to be hugged all the time. I get that.) Sometimes he will say, "why do you want to hug me?" like maybe he can't be bothered. But, again, I'm not necessarily thinking that THAT is a problem.

When I'm sitting on the couch he, many times, likes to be RIGHTNEXTTOME, almost in my lap, has to be touching me. He is not averse to being touched.

Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but it is the whole "not being able to stand other people's noises" combined with making the himself that seems......off.

Where do I start? Pediatrician? Reading a book? I'm not trying to rush him into specialists, etc.....just understand him better, be his mom better. It seems like some days are just FILLED with trying to figure him out and be better at this. :sad:

05-23-2011, 10:59 AM
I don't have any answers for you but I also have a son who gets irritated with other people's noises, yet is extremely loud himself. He is also very touchy-feely (although he is starting to grow out of this a bit.

I will be watching this thread!

05-23-2011, 11:52 AM
My bff's son sounds EXACTLY like your son, he is now 9 and it is suspected that he is on the autism spectrum. He's in the process of being tested. I have to wonder about sensory integration disorder though, I have another friend who's daughter was diagnosed with SID and those behaviors seem very in line with that.

Alice R
05-23-2011, 11:53 AM
I'd do some reading on sensory integration issues first.

The Out of Synch Child is always recommended and is a good one to start with.

05-23-2011, 01:06 PM

This does sound like sensory integration disorder, and/or Autism spectrum. It actually sounds a whole lot like my 10 year old. He was about 6-7 when I started asking these same questions. Super smart but sorta lost when relating to others-a natural at most academics along with a skill for figuring things out, immature for his age but able to relate to adults very well, sensitive to light, clothing, sounds but not touch (no sense of personal space), etc.
He was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in 2009.

We started with our pediatrician who then referred us to a neurologist who specializes in Autism.


05-23-2011, 01:47 PM
What everyone else said, it sounds a lot like my Gavin...some sort of sensory integration/autism spectrum thing. Pick up the Out-of-sync Child (As Alice recommended) if you can, it really helps you understand things.

05-23-2011, 03:45 PM
This sounds almost exactly like my 4yo. Substitute "draw" for "build," add in a couple of vocal tics (cough/throat clearing and/or gasp/hiccuping), and you've nailed him.

I agree with others to get The Out of Sync Child. This book was a HUGE help to me with my oldest, who had sensory issues (probably would have been diagnosed with SID if I'd had him tested). It really calmed me down and reassured me that eccentricity is okay. :) But it also gives good tips on how to deal with the quirks. Another good one is Quirky Kids.

I never wanted to rush into any kind of testing with my oldest, so the only time we actually saw a pediatric neurologist was when the motor tics got so bad that he began having headaches, etc. This was at age 7 -- a typical age for this to happen. They went away on their own in about a year. (I know you didn't mention tics but don't be surprised if they happen - the other things you've mentioned can go along with that.)

You have to trust your gut on this. With my two "quirky" sons, I've chosen not to diagnose because I feel in my gut that they're going to grow out of a lot of it, and this is what's happened with my oldest. I'm reliving the fun ;) with my youngest right now in many ways. If he follows in his brother's path (so far he's practically a clone), he'll begin to show tremendous changes and improvements by age 8. :crossingfingers:

I don't think you're making a big deal out of nothing. Kids like this are difficult to understand and live with, no doubt. You really have to learn to accept them as an individual, not see them as a problem to be solved. It took me many years to realize that with my oldest, and I wish it hadn't taken so long! But back then I'd never heard of SID or "quirkiness" and just didn't know what was going on.

Melissa Crabtree
05-23-2011, 05:27 PM
Cyndi, how is your son socially? Does he have successful play dates where he interacts with others? Does he look into your eyes well? Does he seek out others with whom to interact?
Gifted children (by definition) and children with Asperger's can look almost identical. One significant difference is their social behaviors. Your son sounds a lot like a really bright kid and that often comes with some quirks, sensory issues, tics, OCD behaviors, etc. And so does Asperger's. Googling "Asperger's or gifted" may help you see the difference too. In my experience, a label is helpful. It helps me know what I'm dealing with.

05-23-2011, 06:41 PM
Sounds like he'd fit in around here. :spin:

I, too, suggest The Out of Synch Child and/or The Out of Synch Child Has Fun. A lot of what you mention sound a lot like Sensory Integration issues. We went through our Ped to get a referral to a Speech/Occupational therapists, who are trained in testing for SID. After those results (very long test, btw), we were referred for 3 months of OT for sensory integration issues. After those three months, which my dd loved, she became much less touchy to noise and touch. She could tolerate someone touching her unexpectedly, didn't melt down at loud noises, began to give more hugs and kisses (previously, we just "mushed", where we would touch cheek to cheek and only on her initiation). It made a world of difference. It didn't change her quirky personality, because that is who she is. But it did make her much tolerable to have in a crowd (b-day parties = :eek:) and gave us tools to help her to learn how to calm herself down when she felt she was beginning to spin out of control. Of course, a lot of the time my dd liked that feeling, so :unsure: she didn't always do what she knew she should be doing. :crazy:

Some of the things you can start trying now, large joint compression (gently squeeze elbow, wrists. Do lots of wheelbarrow playing. If you have stairs, have him "walk" down the stairs hands first), weighted blankets (they make blankets for full body or little lap blankets for when sitting doing school or watching tv. There are also vests and other wearable weighted things you can check out.), skin brushing (take a surgical brush - the kind you get w/ a newborn baby to brush their hair- and gently brush the skin. Start w/ arms and legs and avoid the tummy, which is too sensitive for anyone to have brushed! :lol: ) .

Another thing my dd loved, and was really good for her ordering and processing, was spinning! Our OT said that when merry go rounds left the playground due to safety issues, the increase in behavior and attention problems rose in the classroom. Anything you can do to have him spin, my dd was 5 at the time and small enough for a sit and spin, but a swing twisted around and around and let go, wheeeeee.

This is a great catalog (http://www.southpawenterprises.com/) w/ all sorts of sensory and neuro products that professionals order from (you can order too). It can give you an idea of various types of games and activities that you can try at home. The benefit of having an evaluation/testing done is that the therapy can be tailored to his individual needs. My dd's scores for various things is why the OT had her doing very specific things that built up her muscles, perception and for fun, she let her spin. Doing the spinning test the tester had to do it several times because she didn't believe her original readings. When you spin your eyes are supposed to keep twitching for a certain amount of time afterwards. I think it's in relation to how dizzy you feel as well. My dd's weren't twithching at all and she was ready to go for another round! :lol: She did it about 5 times, spinning her for 30-60 sec. each time and got the same results. I can tell you that she is definitely my thrill seeker and no roller coaster is high enough, loopy enough or fast enough to make her woozy. If NASA is still around when she's older (and is actually going to space, not building relations w/ Arab nations ;) ) I can see her jettisoning into space! :lol:

Hollie in SC
05-23-2011, 07:06 PM
:group: Nothing new to add to the above, but sending you a huge hug, friend.:group:

Gwen in Texas
05-23-2011, 08:31 PM
Good advice. :group: I found good practical ideas for dealing with the anger and inflexibility in Ross Greene's book, The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children (http://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0061906190/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306196848&sr=8-1). (I'm not calling your dear boy explosive. It's just a helpful book.)

Rachel Jane
05-23-2011, 08:33 PM
Good advice. :group: I found good practical ideas for dealing with the anger and inflexibility in Ross Greene's book, The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children (http://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0061906190/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306196848&sr=8-1). (I'm not calling your dear boy explosive. It's just a helpful book.)

Have you looked as his next book? I wondered if it was applicable to home schoolers or only those schooled outside the home.

What was that book called that had all of the info about the hidden curriculum? That had some helpful suggestions in it.

Gwen in Texas
05-23-2011, 09:26 PM
Have you looked as his next book? I wondered if it was applicable to home schoolers or only those schooled outside the home.

What was that book called that had all of the info about the hidden curriculum? That had some helpful suggestions in it.

No, I hadn't seen it. Looks like something to recommend to my schoolie friends. It sounds like he is proposing how to apply his techniques at school.

Are you thinking of It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend (http://www.amazon.com/Its-Much-Work-Your-Friend/dp/0743254651/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306200366&sr=8-1)?

Rachel Jane
05-23-2011, 09:31 PM
I am not sure. I'll have to get it out of the library again to see. I thought the tips at the end of the book were good social skills tips anyone could benefit from learning.

05-24-2011, 01:49 AM
no advice, but also recommending the book "The Out of Sync Child"

08-20-2012, 12:55 PM
As a mom with three special needs kids, reading books about how to help you parent your child is great! It will give you tools that will make life better for your kiddo and your family. Getting diagnosed helps with insurance paying for therapies and points you in the direction for therapy, but it is only still just a label and no kids fits perfectly into one cookie cutter.
therapy type books like Out of synch child is helpful, I liked Out of synch child at play best... gave me fun things to do with my child as well as info.
Books about how a childs diet can affect their development and nervous system is good too. We found good things happened when we got rid of gluten and other things. Took time for adjustment, but the changes were worth it. Enzymes for Autism and other neurological disorders is a good one, mainly for the information about how our body functions and nutritional help.

This is all a new process, so breath, pray and learn ...I love our therapist that we have used over the years. Right now we are doing Yoga for Autism... really helps my daughter with her body awareness, that and we are doing a detox program and it giving us great results.

There is a wealth of knowledge on the FIAR SP Needs group! The ladies here are amazing! hugs:group:

08-20-2012, 01:20 PM
I found this article helpful.


Look further down if processing speed is not an issue. There are various things that go along with gifted children. You won't know until he is tested.

08-20-2012, 08:36 PM
I have two boys with these types of complex issues. I think, if you are noticing that things are different, then those are things to pay attention to. For me it has taken a lot of prayer (and tears) and trusting and leaning hard into the Lord to navigate these complicated waters.
If you want to pursue testing, you can start with your pediatrician. S/he can refer you to an occupational therapist for testing for sensory issues and therapy. You can ask to be referred to a neuropsychologist for testing, or a neurologist, or a developmental pediatrician. I'm sure if you bring your concerns to your ped. they can refer you to someone locally who can help you. If you don't want to go down the route of testing, you can research and read on your own to learn how to help your son. It really depends on what you think and want.
One verse that comforts me a lot and gives me peace is Isaiah 40:11 "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."