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Chalane (FL)
06-29-2011, 07:28 PM
Hi All,

Obviously, I haven't been on for a few months. I've been living with my parents, but they have moved to Qatar for a few years. I'm still living at there house (thank the Lord). I do, however, need to go back to work. Joey will be enrolled in public school this week. I'm amazingly calm and at peace with this decision. Leighton will continue to be homeschooled for the near future. However, his multiple diagnosis and sheer size have begun to make him a danger to others in the home, pushing, hitting, kicking, etc. I've made the decision to begin the process to have him placed in a group home. Everyone involved in his care (other family members. therapist and doctors) have known this was coming even when I wasn't ready to admit it. I know that this is the right thing for him even if it's hard on me. Please, pray that the paperwork will go through quickly and the state will act quickly and that we can get him into the best home for him. So why post this here, instead of the prayer board? I think many of you will have a unique glimpse as to what it takes to make this call.

JennyO
06-30-2011, 02:42 PM
prayer and many hugs coming your way!:group:

Alice R
07-01-2011, 10:38 AM
Chalane,
Just a somewhat related story that stuck in my head.

I was scheduled to do an evaluation on a boy (pre-K) and I had done the brother a few years back. Mom was very nice. I called the mother to let her know I'd be there in 15 minutes and she was really odd on the phone and said "today is not a good day, call me tomorrow" :unsure:

So, we rescheduled and I got there. Mom was completely beaten up and the dining room table was broken. She looked terrible. I didn't know what to say so I said something like "are you guys OK?" (I had to say something).

She said her 16 year old autistic son had flipped out completely and attacked her and broken the table. She had to call 911 and he had to be removed by a few officers who had trouble taking him down. He was placed in a hospital until he could be placed in a group setting. She was in the middle of dealing with social workers and the police report, trying to find a place for him which was now "an emergency" placement.

She cried about how he had been very violent, was medicated, they tried everything etc. but this had to be done because she had younger daughters and this time was just too much.

My heart broke for her. She was 16 when she had him and said she adored him and they "grew up together".

I don't remember the evaluation on the brother but I was there for a long time with her, just talking. She said she should've done it sooner when she could've made better choices and not such an "emergency". At that moment, an opening was found in PA, over 4 hours from her home. :sad:

So, the fact that you are thinking about what your child might need in the future is a good plan. :group:


On a happier note, I worked in a group home for 4 years with high functioning adults and they LOVED living there! :clap: LOVED. It was a quality agency and they were treated like a big family. My group home came to my wedding, as a matter of fact. :D The parents said they felt unsure sometimes but when they heard their adult child chatting about how happy they were, their activities, their friends and all that, they knew they made the right choices. :) Whenever I am back in NY near the group home, I pop in and visit. :cool: If you paid me a million dollars, I couldn't come up with one bad thing about that agency. I also subbed in a "low functioning" homes and they were all treated very well and appeared very loved.

Praying for you as your sort through all these things. :group:

mariah m
07-02-2011, 12:10 PM
I know this must be so hard, Chalane. :group: Praying you find the right setting for him. I've wondered from time to time how you did it!

Melissa Crabtree
07-02-2011, 12:37 PM
Praying for you as you find what's best for your boys. I can imagine it's heartbreaking to make these changes! :group:

Chalane (FL)
07-08-2011, 05:47 PM
Thank you, ladies.

Alice, the story you shared is one of my big fears. I've met a couple people that have had similar things happen. I don't want that sort of traumatic experience for any of us and it is one of the reasons I'm doing this now. It is only a matter of time before someone gets seriously hurt. He doesn't understand how strong he is, he truly is just a toddler mentally. We stopped going to church partially because I'm afraid he'll hurt one of the smaller children or elderly.

It's obviously an emotional roller coaster, but I do believe that in the end all three of us will have better quality of life. I keep trying to remind myself he'll get to be around others and go places I can no longer take him because of his size.

I'm praying for a local placement, but we may have to send him to Tampa (2 1/2 hrs away) until a local bed becomes available.

Trish A
07-08-2011, 07:12 PM
Praying for you, Chalane. I know this can't be easy for you. :cry: :group:

Lisalyn
07-08-2011, 07:39 PM
I know this season of change has to be overwhelming, but you sound very strong and in charge. Praying that you feel as strong as you sound in the coming weeks and months.

:group:

tracy
07-12-2011, 12:27 AM
:group: :group:
I am glad you posted here. We all know to some extent how you are feeling.

I am beginning Parent Child Developmental Behaviour Therapy soon with my adorable, lovable, totally affectionate 2ds whom hauls off and hits and bites just me when he is mad or his world is rocked. If I am in another room, he seeks me out.

My prayers are with you. You have done an awesome job of being Joey's mom. He is lucky to have you. And I am sure you feel lucky to have him. :group:

Hollie in SC
07-12-2011, 07:35 AM
:group: Praying for each of you this morning. I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be on your heart, friend. Praying for amazing blessings on this new journey.:group:

Rachel Jane
07-12-2011, 07:50 AM
:group::group::group: as you navigate new waters...

Leslie Nelsen
07-13-2011, 12:45 PM
Oh Chalane,

:group: :group: What hard decisions you are having to make. I admire you for making them now before you are forced to. You are a great mama! Praying for you - for strength, wisdom and grace as you handle all the changes that are coming. Praying that the transition for both of your boys is a great one. Sending you hugs too! :group::group:

Sue C
07-14-2011, 10:58 AM
:group::group: Chalene, my heart just hurts for you. My special needs son who is now 21 had to be removed from our home when he was 14. I had called and called for help so many times. I begged someone to do something before he killed one of us. Finally, on Dec. 26, 2004 the inevitable happened and he attacked me and my 2 year old. It was awful! That day changed our lives and if you see the writing on the wall and can prevent it then it is the best thing for you, your son and your other family members. I wish I could give you a real hug but know I am giving you one and you will CERTAINLY be in my prayers. :group: On an update, my now 21 year old son is doing awesome in his group home. He had to be put in a one on one situation so he is the only one in the home with one staff always present. He is happy, and feels good about himself. God bless you Chalene and please know you are not alone. :group::group: