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Alice R
08-11-2011, 11:14 AM
Long story short...

My 9 year old was at a small church pool party. One of the girls has special needs, she is 11. She was Dxed with PDD as a toddler but seemed to have outgrown that dx. She is more of a mixed bag of what is going on with her really...you know, some of this, some of that. But nothing that really fits one thing. She does 7-8 year old academics so you know she is pretty together.

She grabbed my daughter's v*gina. :eek: They were wearing bathing suits, of course, so it was full grab. I had my daughter demonstrate on me and it was a full handfull.

According to my daughter, X came over to her and wanted her to play, grabbed her entire crotch area hard and said "let's play". My daughter got upset and said "get off". She did not get off. My daughter backed up somehow and said "don't do that to me". X got mad and walked away.

X likes my girl since she is generally kind to her and tries to be patient with her.

I'm concerned on a lot of levels. I've worked with special needs children, toddlers, babies, teens and adults since 1988. I've never seen a girl grab another girl like that. I've seen a lot of other s*xual behavior but not that one. Is this just an impulsive thing? Maybe she is in puberty and has "those" feelings and acted on it? Maybe someone is grabbing her like that? X rides a school bus with kids and you know how a girl with special needs can easily be targeted. I HATE to think of anything else but that does come to mind also.

I called my psychologist friend and he agreed with all those scenarios. I was going to wait to talk to mom in person in church on Sunday but he said that was totally and completely wrong. I must call mom today and simply let her know what X did and stay very calm about it. Just state the facts and let her know that my daughter is fine and understands and then get off the phone. :lol:

What do you think??????

Would you want a call today from me? Wait until in person? Do you not want to know? Mom seems rather emotionally fragile to me...she cries easily and seems very stressed. She has five children and three have significant special needs. I feel for her...she must be frazzled and this is certainly not what you want to hear. Not only that, it's going to be embarrassing. She is going to worry that I think (insert anything). Ugh. how awkward. :sad:

I posted over on this board because I figured a mom with a special needs child could give me a bit more insight but anyone can answer or offer an idea. ;) Maybe I should've put this on the Family Room board...well, whatever, I'm hitting POST over here. ;)

Sue C
08-11-2011, 11:44 AM
:eek: :sad: I agree you should call the Mom today. As hard as that is going to be, and I will be praying for you, that Mom needs to know. What if her daughter is being violated in some way? Like you said, and we all know, our special needs kids are SO vulnerable. You seem so tactful (every post of yours I've seen), I'm sure you will present it lovingly and without judgement. As a Mom of 2 special needs kids, I would want to know if one of mine did that to another child. I'm glad your daughter is ok and understands. Great job Mom!! :) So many kids don't understand our special needs kids. :group: to your daughter! I will sure pray for you through out the day, that God would give you the right words to say. :group:

Alice R
08-11-2011, 11:48 AM
I was hoping for 20 replies that say "just ignore it" :lol:

I know, I know, I gotta be an adult and pick up the phone. UGH. Awkward. :sad:

Sue C
08-11-2011, 12:25 PM
I was hoping for 20 replies that say "just ignore it" :lol:

I know, I know, I gotta be an adult and pick up the phone. UGH. Awkward. :sad:

:lol::group::group: praying.

Rachel Jane
08-11-2011, 12:33 PM
:group: Praying.
Sorry.

Tiffany
08-11-2011, 12:37 PM
I am so sorry that happened to your daughter ((((((((hugs)))))))). I can tell by your post that as much as you are agonizing over it, you will handle it in a compassionate way. I agree that the mom needs to know today- if it were my special needs child that did something inappropriate or anything that hurt another child, I would want to know asap. Because then it would be fresh in my child's mind too as I addressed the situation. Also if I am going to be moritified and have to freak out about it, I just would rather know up front than being unaware while others knew about it. It's all so hard, whichever side you are on. Bless you for your heart, because this happened to your daughter, and you are going beyond your own personal feelings about it and able to care about the other mom and her daughter and what they are going through... the world needs more moms like you.

Alice R
08-11-2011, 01:08 PM
Thanks for the sweet posts. :group:

Of course, I cannot find this mom's phone number. I was so sure it was in my cell phone. :unsure:

We have a church event this afternoon and I'll track it down from another mom. It's a tight church so everyone has everything in their phone. Except me. :lol: I'd loose my head if it wasn't connected. I'll have to call her this afternoon instead.

Thanks for helping. This is a kind mom and she would want to know. X is going to middle school in Sept and she told me she is very nervous about X with such "old" kids. I'm sure this is going to stress her out even more.

I talked to my daughter again about this and she said it was creepy but she is fine.

Julie in AZ
08-11-2011, 01:26 PM
:group: I think the mom would prefer to hear this news over the phone. If you state the facts gently and quickly end the conversation she can have time to process on her own.

Robin in Colorado
08-11-2011, 01:47 PM
:group: I think the mom would prefer to hear this news over the phone. If you state the facts gently and quickly end the conversation she can have time to process on her own.

I agree.

Also, it gives the mom to find out the reason for the girl's behavior. If she is being targeted by someone else, the mom needs to have time to act on it before school starts again. And even if X just is behaving like this on her own, the mom needs to know to correct the behavior -this behavior could get X into big trouble in school or other venues.

Gwen in Texas
08-11-2011, 02:00 PM
Agreeing, call today. Call today.

And your daughter did so well. Good words, good actions. Good job!

shonda in ca
08-11-2011, 06:14 PM
Oh my! Oh, Alice, I really feel for you! I would be the exact same way. She wants to know, really truly. And she wants you to be the one to tell her. You are already friends, you are kind and you are understanding. She does NOT want the mom that is rude and freaking out telling her. :no: So this can really save her. Does this make sense? :unsure:
I'm sorry this happened to your girl. What a sweet girl and like Gwen said, did and said all the right thngs. :yes: I'll bet it was creepy! :eek:

Praying for ya, girlfriend. Sometimes I think living in a society is just a pain, ya know? :lol: Where's my secluded mountain cabin?? (You know I'm kidding, right? ;) )

Alice R
08-11-2011, 06:49 PM
Well, the update is that there is no update. :sad:

I got her number and she is flying out to Utah tonight for a week long trip. I left her a voicemail but I doubt she is checking voicemails at the moment.

I could talk to her husband but I'm not comfortable with that exactly. She is the one who mostly responsible for X, like a lot of moms.

I was all ready to call and felt good about calling...you guys had me all psyched up! :lol:

I'll have to talk to her when I see her next.

Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. :eyes: