View Full Version : special needs mama's... need your input

11-27-2011, 12:30 AM
As you know my 4yo has down syndrome,and autism, among a few other medical issues , tube fed being one of them...

He is doing so well lately being much more cooperative, seeming to be understanding us more and is doing great with his eating. He may be getting his tube removed in the next 6 months if he continues to do well with his eating and drinking.
Don't get me wrong, even with all these improvements, he is still very, very delayed,and he definitely is a challenge at times. But really in many ways he is so much easier to manage than my other kids.

My question is... at what point did you feel you could add another child to your family when you have a special needs child that requires so much care?

Our situation is a bit different in that we are pursuing another adoption,and while many children in foster care have special needs (usually emotional) there is a child with medical needs similar to my son's that we are interested in foster/adopting. This child is 18 months old, and while we dont' have all that many details, we do know there are several medical issues and he is very delayed developmentally. In some ways I feel like we are already in this stage of life with our 4yo, why not take care of another child with SN?

Just curious if anyone has thoughts on this. Feel free to PM me, if you dont' care to share publically.

mariah m
11-27-2011, 06:44 PM
It really comes down to you and your family to decide if you are emotionally and financially able to add another child. I admire you moms of many but I am just tapped out with four. Because of the insurance we have we had trouble providing what they needed..we wound up dropping ours and using the state. Plus...we are too old - husband is 62 and I have a chronic health issue now so the subject is put to rest.

12-05-2011, 07:00 PM
Are the needs of the other kids met? Anyone feeling left out?
Everyone on board with another child that will take more mom time.
Are you able to homeschool well and meet emotional needs of all the kids?
Those are the sort of things I look at.

amanda b
12-26-2011, 09:01 PM
We go around too about the possibility of fostering/ adopting another SN child. I kind of feel the same way- I totally have this whole feeding tube, meds, therapy routine down and could help another child with the same needs who another family might be afraid to take on....

but- what would I do if one of the kids wound up inpatient and I couldn't be home to take care of the other (dh is not the best at handing meds and feeds). That is a real concern to us because our son has a pretty severe seizure disorder, plus is completly dependent on us for all of his daily care, and will probably not be with us for many more years (he's 3 now).

So- my other idea for us at least, is to wait, and maybe foster another medically needy child down the road.

Angela in MT
01-03-2012, 10:17 PM
This is a really really tough question.

My oldest ds, is somewhere on the autism spectrum, and we just adopted our daughter who is 5 and has DS and really delayed (even for DS). I also have a daughter with cleft palate and then one other "normal" son, lol!

Anyway. This is something that gets batted around at our house a lot. We want more children, and feel we are not done adding to our family. However, in what time and place we add to the family remains to be seen. Right now we feel we are making a wise decision by waiting to do anything. Our current crew is too needy for us to add anyone else right now.

I think more important than anything, (aside from the God factor of course), I think being on the same page with dh is critical. Our daughter's adoption could have been a nightmare, if we hadn't been in it 100% together and on the same page.

I think beyond that, you need to consider how you feel. Are you thriving or surviving? If you are only surviving, then I would say now might not be the time.

And finally, do you think there would be any adverse reactions from your son? If so are you OK with that? My son on the spectrum is having a difficult time adjusting to his new sister. We knew this was coming and aren't too perturbed by it - most days ;)

I applaud you for even considering adding another child! It is a bold person who is willing to open themselves up to serving a child this way!

Hope this helped!

Hollie in SC
01-04-2012, 08:10 AM

01-04-2012, 09:43 PM
thanks for the responses.
DH and the kids are all excited about adding a new little one to the family. I am glad everyone is in agreement. I wasn't sure about how my older kids would feel since they already help so much.

We have decided to start the adoption paperwork,and just are waiting to get our homestudy update done so we can be matched with our child. :)

amanda b
01-17-2012, 12:45 PM
Good luck- that is so exciting!