View Full Version : ? for Steve and moms of teen boys

Angela Paige
02-08-2012, 09:24 AM
Over the past 3-4 months, I've realized that Joel is steaming straight ahead into puberty. He's nearly 12 years old now. Nathan isn't but a year and a half behind him. And now I'm realizing just exactly how poorly equipped I am to raise my sons. :unsure:

This morning I was in their shared bedroom because quite frankly it smelled bad and I was trying to clear out all the stinky boy clothes, hoping I wouldn't come across any sort of unexpected source of stink like moldy food or dead rodents. :lol:

As it turns out, I did find something unexpected ... a drawing. It's a picture of a hand-drawn woman. She's clothed, but it's a provocative style of clothing. Underneath one of them scrawled "S*xiest Woman I Ever Saw." Nate is my resident artist who loves to draw pictures, but Joel will occasionally draw occasionally. The handwriting looks more like Joel's, but it could have been Nathan. I don't know which one it belongs to and I really don't care. I'm going to respond to both of them.

I realize this isn't abnormal. I'm not sure whether or not to directly address the drawing. I don't want to punish them, rather I want to have an open dialogue with them about their s*xual desires, p*rn, etc. I'm more interested in open lines of communication and in giving them guidelines and strong values than I am in harsh rules that might turn them away. I already talk to them frequently about the birds and the bees, etc. We talk about what happens as our bodies mature and what to expect physically (as far as body changes and all of that). But I don't know that I've addressed the mental or emotional part well. :(

What resources should I use? Websites, books, etc? Steve, what would you tell a young boy on the verge of entering the teen years? I'm grateful for Jon and that he has a great relationship with both boys. He often talks to them about maturing and will continue to do so, sharing with them from a man's perspective. But I guess as their mom I feel a huge burden this morning and I don't know quite how to mother them today. :unsure:


02-08-2012, 10:03 AM
After my alma mater won the college national championship, I got my oldest ds a subscription to Sports Illustrated magazine. I was naive and thought I only needed to catch the swimsuit edition prior to it hitting my ds's hands. Wrong! The advertisements in there are often provocative and demeaning.

I read the first couple magazines and started to throw them all out and cancel our subscription.

However, I thought about it, took the magazine to my ds and asked what he thought about the ads. It led to a good discussion about advertising in today's world, it's effect on him and other teens, plus how to handle stuff like this as a Christian man in the world.

We've had many such discussions since and I think it helped to know the subject wasn't taboo. We've had birds and bees talks, but this was different. He knows where his dad and I stand and he is aware of the falsehoods in advertising at least. I have allowed our subscription to sports illustrated to run out though!

02-08-2012, 03:19 PM
Now that my son is 19, I look back and realize that the age of 12 was really pivotal for him. We did do Passport to Purity and when he was older my husband did Every Young Man's Struggle with him. These were good resources, along with open communication.

I think your right in not making a huge deal out of it, but being aware of what is going on and talking is good. :thumb: :group:

Angela Paige
02-09-2012, 09:21 AM
Thanks, ladies ... I appreciate your honest answers. I think we are just going to step up our regular talks. As of right now, none of the kids are shy about asking questions regarding maturity and sex. I'm glad about that, so I think an open dialogue will be easy enough for me to have with the boys.

Also, I showed Jon the drawing last night and he wasn't shocked (like me) or overly worried. I knew a male perspective would help. He said that while totally normal, he will be intentional about talking further with them about things like the dangerous lure of porn, etc.

I'm going to look further into a passport to purity weekend, as well.


02-09-2012, 09:24 AM
My son is only 9 so I dont have any advice but I will definitely watch this thread. I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and your family. Our momma hearts are so tender when it comes to our babies and I know how your momma heart must feel wanting to MAKE sure that you help your son have the right information to make right choices. :group:

03-06-2012, 07:47 PM
Angela, curious if you ever found what you were looking for? We are planning a passport to purity weekend very soon for DH our 13yo ds. It's PAST time IMHO :sad:

Steve Lambert
03-06-2012, 08:05 PM

Sounds pretty normal to me. :unsure:

My talk with your boys would go something like this: "God is the one who thought up sex and He thought it was a Great Idea! He made women to look beautiful in the eyes of men. And He created men to love to look upon the beautiful female form. BUT... He also gave us guidelines to follow. These guidelines are for OUR good- not for His! He knew what was best for us. Next to the drive to preserve our own life, the human sexual drive is the most powerful force we have- and God planned it that way. It's more powerful than most men understand and it can be used for our good, or it can use us instead with disastrous results. The risk is that if we let those desires rule over us, they will cause us to do things in a wrong way with a very tragic outcome. If we allow that powerful drive to control us we will eventually get to the point where we simply can't enjoy our wife anymore in the way God intended. The sexual intimacy that God intended for us to enjoy with our wives becomes tarnished and no longer brings us any pleasure- as it should. So BECAUSE God liked the idea of sexual intimacy, and BECAUSE God wants us to be able to enjoy that intimacy with our wives for a lifetime- it's CRITICALLY IMPORTANT that we take control over that powerful force so that we can enjoy God's plan instead of having the enemy ruin it for us."

I think that's the basic text for the concept and how you "apply" it to the lives of your boys at various seasons during their teen years is a case-by-case basis.

Hope that helps,